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Have You Heard, “Your Baby Looks Nothing Like You!”

24 September 2010 24 Comments

Okay moms, how many of you have had family and strangers comment on how much your child doesn’t look like you?  Raise your hands.

Have you gotten the “He/she looks just like your husband”, or “baby looks like your husbands sister”, or even “Baby looks just like Great Grandma Ethel” of course it’s the in-laws making that comment because your parents wouldn’t say such a thing.  Or would they?

Is it inappropriate?  Yes, especially if they go on and on about it and every time they see you and baby.

Why does having a baby bring out the ugly in some people? It’s like some jealous poison takes over their mind, body and soul.  Maybe they are unaware of what they are saying until it comes out their mouths?

Here are some comments I’d like to share with you that other moms have encountered:

“The stranger said though she must look like her father because if you walked away from her no one would know she was yours!”
“People always ask…is that your son? He doesn’t look a thing like you!”

I got into this topic with a bunch of other moms the other day and I thought I’d bring it up on here, surely we’re not the only ones.  I get it all the time and I’m fine with it, I guess there’s no denying who the baby daddy is folks.

One friend of mine looks nothing like her daughter. I would never say it, who cares if she doesn’t, she’ll probably have her moms personality isn’t that always the trade off?

Strangers have asked if she’s the nanny, acquaintances have commented that “Wow, look at how dark you are and how light she is”, people really want to get personal and ask what her heritage is and what is her husbands.

Maybe it’s a Toronto thing.  Everybody wants to know what you are, where your from etc… Growing up in Winnipeg, it didn’t matter and it was considered in poor taste to ask, at least in my household.

When I had Charlie I knew he would end up looking more like his father because the Norwegian genes in his family is strong, Papa Ash looks like his mom but I see Big T (Grandpa Ash) in him as well especially in his mannerisms and bone structure.

I got it and I got it a lot, in particular my step mother always laughed and said “He looks nothing like you, wow those Ash genes are strong etc…etc…”.  Every time we would speak.  Okay, I get it.  Does she have to always have to reiterate it?  Since Charlie has gotten older I see my father in his face now, nose and cheeks and thank god he has my lips!

It really didn’t bother me that much, I think what bothered me was the lack of manners.  I mean if he doesn’t look like me thank god he looks like my husband.  Why wouldn’t he?

Often I would laugh and say “Yeah, well you know it’s a funny thing. I had nothing to do with it, all I had to do was push baby out”.

Here’s Master Charles, yes he looks like his father.  Did I get highlights so I’d be part of the blondes (Papa Ash and Charlie) in my family. Yes.  However I am back to brunette but that involved an awesome diaper bag in exchange.

A lot of other moms really, really take it personal and are quite hurt when people constantly bring it up.

What have your experiences been?  I’d love to hear your stories.

Share you experience of thoughts below.

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24 Comments »

  • Leslie said:

    It has been said a few times. My husband is half native so my first of 3 girls has the dark skin and curly dark hair. She is her Dad’s double. It did hurt to hear. Everyone has an opinion though. I am a red head and so fair. I also have 2 other daughters though one red head and one blond. The other two we get mixed comments. I do secretly love hearing they look like me. My youngest I love she looks like my Dad and am happy to see him through her when she smiles. All in all everyone sees the children differently. Being the parents though you know you both made them so wheather they look like you or not…Inside and out something of the both parents will come in now or in time :)

  • Kirsten said:

    I haven’t experienced this (because no baby yet), but I have had people ask if my niece (not by blood in any way, my sister’s step-daughter) and two other unrelated children were mine when I was with them in public. At least one of them did look like he could have been mine.
    As far as people mentioning it to mothers, strangers or not, I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong to mention it ONCE. To keep bringing it up is certainly inappropriate, and it does make a difference how it is said. There is a difference between “he doesn’t look much like you yet” and “good thing he looks like your husband.” With strangers, they obviously don’t know that you hear this often, so they probably don’t realize how offensive and repetitive it sounds. Of course, I am saying this as a not yet parent…
    I wonder if adoptive parents get this more often, and if it bothers them, too?

  • Kristen said:

    My mother in law is always saying things like that. Looks like like great uncle so and so, or cousin twice removed whats her name or even to ask if I actually was the mother. UGH!!! I bloody well better be I was the one in labor and giving birth, I better have something to show for that. My sister in law was holding my oldest when he was born and a picture of this moment was posted on facebook. She had almost 20 comments on how he looked just like her. It all really bothered me considering you hold a picture of either of my kids next to a picture of me when I was that age and we are a splitting image of each other. I should mention both my boys have red hair, they get it from their dad. I am a brunette, so that means that automatically the kids look nothing like me, or I can’t be their mother, or I’m just babysitting. I don’t care if people say they look like their dad, but one day I hope someone opens their eyes and sees who they really look like!!

  • Karla said:

    Everyone says our daughter ‘looks just like Daddy’. The best is when people say to me, “Sorry but she looks exactly like your Husband”. Why are they sorry? I think he’s the best looking man alive!!! haha He is VERY proud of the fact that he has a female mini version. Whenever we’re out and people comment by saying, ‘she’s so cute’ He always says, “I KNOW!” :)

  • Karen said:

    I have gotten the opposite reaction. Both my kids looked exactly like me as babies, but now my husbands genes are shining thru in my soon to be 5 yo daughter. My 5 month old son however still looks exactly like his mommy- dimples and all :) My husband didn’t seem to be too upset about how neither child looked like him at first!

  • vine said:

    I completetly understand & feels like the article is saying my thoughts. I have just had a baby boy 1 month back. All the time I get to hear is “oh he looks like his Grand-mom” from my husbands relatives, when I dunno see a single similarity. That doesn’t surprise me as even before my baby was born my husband once mentioned “he is going to look like my mom(my husband’s mom)”. It hurts as somewhere in my heart, I want my baby to atleast have one feature of his resemble mine. Someday somebody to say that my baby has mine eyes/ nose or lips..
    Now, I do not try to think over it as someone once said, you will see many changes happening and over the course your baby will resemble many relatives of yours but finally he will have something of yours and something of his dad. Also when over the phone if anybody asks me whom does my baby resemble to – I always say – He has changed a lot since birth and he going to change a lot more, so you never know.

  • Carrie Dodd said:

    I wanted to enter anyway but my son looks like me and people comment that he does! But……….he looks nothing like my husband and people say that too.

  • Shannon said:

    I get it all the time! Wow, your son looks so much like your husband. I always respond “I guess it’s not a bad thing that my little boy looks like his father – maybe if we have a girl next, she’ll look like me”. There’s no denying his personality though, it’s definitely all me!

  • Lori said:

    I think that many people don’t realize what they are saying ! They need to realise that the mom has this new baby and feels that sense of motherly pride, no one wants to her that their new baby looks like other people and not the new mom!!

  • Chrissy said:

    I get this ALL the time! I’m Asian and my husband’s Scottish/Irish/English. Our daughter has light brown hair and fair skin. She doesn’t look like EITHER of us! This said, everyone thinks she looks like my husband more than she looks like me. Someone once thought I was her “NANNY”!!! Ummm…Thanks!

  • Crystal said:

    I also opted for a brunette look after my second child. My husband is also dark haired, however both my littles are bleach blonde. “Where do they get their blonde from” is almost a daily question. I once told an old man “the milk man” he was quite blank after that.

    Both my husband and I had blonde hair when we were younger. I actually didn’t darken up until after both of my pregnancies, but do I really need to get into that with total strangers in the shopping market?

    Furthermore I know many people that are adopted and people that have adopted children, what if these same people were to ask my friends with adopted kids. Does that not cross their minds.

    Lastly… I have a friend whose husband has a darker complexion, and she is quite fair. Her two boys are dark but her daughter is light, she always thinks that people must think they are a blended family. She gets asked all the time about the kids.

  • Sarah said:

    I get it all the time with my daughter Jadyn. I even get the “oh wow, she looks just like daddy!” and I will ask how they know Dave. The reply is usually “Oh no, I don’t know who your husband is, it’s just she looks nothing like you so she must look like her daddy.” It can be annoying…. she will be three next week and I think I have only heard it twice that they can see a little of me in her…. and now we have a 6 month old son as well. Does he look like daddy? No. Does he look like mommy? No. He looks like mommy’s side of the family, like my 4 brothers. But not like me! LOL It kinda sucks but at the same time its ok. They are my babies and there is no doubting that one…. they are unique in their own way….. (I do hope one day I have one that looks like me though) :)

  • Ellie said:

    I am adopted so that phrase you look nothing like you parents bothered me .. When My oldest was born I was hoping for a carbon copy since it would be the first time that i would ever see my self in anyone. Alas she came out looking just like her daddy. I love the fact that she looks like her dad. Whenever i would take her places people would be trying to decided if i was babysitting or if she was mine. I was at tim hortons one day and someone thought that she was a baby from the parenting class at the highschool ( which is a fake baby ) when i finally convinced them she was a real baby they said well she must not be your she looks nothing like you …. I was mortified. Now I have 3 mini me and yes they are all boys .. guess i just had to wait till they were born :)

  • Julia said:

    My daughter looks just like my huband, blonde hair and blue eyes and has his facial structure. Since she’s been born 2 people may have said they can see “some” of my features in her. People often apologize to me for saying she looks like him. Not sure why they feel the need to apologize, it is true. I’m not sorry she looks like him. She’s our very beautiful baby girl, who we love very much, it doesn’t matter who she looks like.

  • Steph said:

    Mostly people think our son looks like me (especially my side of the family). Other people try to find both of us in his beautiful face, and others still only see my husband. I see a lot of my brother in him, but his expressions and mannerisms are a lot like my husband:) As he grows I’m sure he’ll be ever changing and we’ll see glimpses of both sides in him. Who knows what combination of our families our next one will be!

  • Kristi Kocherkewych said:

    I think this phrase is so funny b/c it is so subjective unless the baby looks identical to either the mommy or daddy!! Our son Lucas resembles both of us moreso on some days than the others and it all depends who is looking at him at the time!! Some pictures of Lucas and his daddy at the same age (first few months of life) look identical and some later on look like me. He is now 10.5 months old and I think he is a nice combination of us both…the only thing is he has big blue eyes that just stand out and make people notice him. My eyes are hazel-green and my husband has brown eyes so it would be nice if Lucas’ stay blue b/c people remember those blue eyes!!
    The funniest moment I have to say was when I was out with Lucas for an appt and his babysitter was with us to watch him during that appt (she is 18) and she has big blue eyes and somebody walked by her and told her that “her son” looks just like her!!! lol Like I said, it’s all subjective!!!!

  • Jennie said:

    When my son was born is was and is still the spliting image of his father. I have brown hair brown eyes and dark skin, my son was born bright blue eyes and blonde hair and fair skin!! my Husband has dirty blonde hair and green hazel eyes. My son is now 13 months old and i get all the time from people i don’t even know that he looks nothing like me. His hair is still very blonde, his eyes have turned more towards me now with a soft greeny/brown…but that blonde hair when my hair is so dark just doesn’t do us justice I suppose. Either way he is the most BEAUTIFUL little man I have ever seen and I know all Moms say that, hehe. I couldn’t ask for more he is perfect in every way! :)

  • Melissa said:

    We get told that all the time that my son looks like me, but it was really hard for my husband at first because his first son looks just like him and he assumed the second would too. He is okay with it now but when he was first born he got tired of hearing it from everyone all the time….I personally see alot of both of us in him, I believe people see what they want to see and we all have to remember it is just their opinion.

  • Fan said:

    My boy looks like me for sure. Every one only confirms that. Actually I was not sure at his birth but my doctor said that my boy after me. How did he see that? Professional, that’s it.

  • Courtney said:

    As soon as my first son was born I got those comments. He came out a spitting image of my husband. When I get the odd person that says he looks like me I’m actually shocked and I don’t believe them. When I had my second son I had some hope that I’d be represented but no. Again looks just like my husband and his older brother. There is definitely no denying who their father is.

  • Stephanie said:

    I’ve always been told that my daughter is my “Mini Me”. Even when we are out in public when we talk to random people, they say things like “Wow, I can sure tell who your mommy is!” My husband always tells people that she gets her looks from her mommy, but I can see my husband in her in certain pictures, especially looking back at pictures of her when she was a wee babe.

  • Minna said:

    I’m always told that my son looks like my husband. I’m not offended or anything. But I really think he looks like me in some aspects! I know he looks like my husband but I don’t think a splitting image. I also get a lot of is he boy or girl which I find more annoying.

  • Leslie said:

    While this hasn’t happened to me (quite the opposite – my newborn already looks quite recognizably like me), I did witness this phenomenon in the waiting room at my doctor’s office. A fellow patient was there waiting for a check-up on her two-month-old, and another woman asked if her child was adopted. Yikes! This poor mom was really hurt, and I don’t think the stranger realized how hurtful her off-hand comment had been. I imagine this must happen frequently to some moms, and I’m sure it would become tiresome, if not frustrating or infuriating. This mom in particular is fair and blond, and her daughter has a shock of black hair inherited from her Chinese-Canadian father. All I’d noticed is that this baby was gorgeous – not that she didn’t resemble her mom. I can’t imagine making a comment about how a child doesn’t look like a parent. Why mention it at all? Saying that a baby looks like someone is generally considered a compliment, but saying that they don’t implies some sort of wrong-doing or deficiency.

  • Mama Ash said:

    (Last post) Well put Leslie!

    “I can’t imagine making a comment about how a child doesn’t look like a parent. Why mention it at all? Saying that a baby looks like someone is generally considered a compliment, but saying that they don’t implies some sort of wrong-doing or deficiency.”

    I loved reading all your comments.
    Thank you so much for taking part.

    http://www.everythingmomandbaby.com

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