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Things I Said I Would Never Do

22 November 2010 15 Comments

By Krystal Edwards-Dykema

We have all been there, we have all done it. We watch other parents with their children and thinking to ourselves, “I will NEVER do that.”

You are sitting there nodding your head with me, I know it. Pre-baby, I would sometimes look at other parents with sheer disapproval. I remember watching some parents and the ‘ridiculous’ decisions they made with their kids. Many times I would lean to my husband and say “We are never going to do that with Marley.” or “Can you believe they let their kids do that?”.

Then Marley was born and life happened.

Reality hit me like a ton of bricks.

Of course I stuck to my guns on many things I feel strongly about, but I have learned that the key to living a low stress life is to go with the flow. I don’t be stuck in my ways. I do not have to have all the answers.

Recently I was thinking, just because I don’t want Marley eating fried, greasy food does not mean I am above giving her a french fry to keep her quiet while in Costco. I remember the first time I gave her one. Emotionally, I came unglued. I went home and cried. I had spent months carefully making all her food with organic and free range products and here I was, giving her the worst thing ever BY CHOICE just so I could shop. So then the mommy guilt settled in, I decided I was a horrible mom and that was it. I thought of it for the rest of the day, beating myself up about feeding my precious baby this poor excuse for food.

Later, when my husband came home and saw my mood and asked what was wrong, he took in the story with an amused look on his face while I fretted and complained. When the story was done he started laughing and asked me if I was seriously that upset about it.

Um, yes, I was. Do not laugh at me.

He then went on to explain that regardless of our best efforts, that probably was not going to be Marley’s last french fry. *Insert light bulb moment here* Of course it wouldn’t be! What was I thinking?! It was our responsibility to lay down the groundwork for proper eating habits, but who doesn’t like a french fry (or 5) every once in a while? This was just one example of things that I had been so insistent would never happen, yet naturally it did.

Have I done things with Marley that I said I would never do? Absolutely. Does that bother me? Sometimes, but I don’t let it run my life or get me down.

Life happens. No parent is perfect and every situation calls for a different solution. I think there are many parents who have to be reminded this, myself included. So the next time we find ourselves in Costso, and the French fries are calling out to us, I will remember that desperate times call for desperate measures.

So, Marley, let’s both have a French fry…or five.

Krystal is a blogger and member of the BornFree Canada Mom Panel

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  • Amanda O mom of 5 said:

    I can relate to what Krystal is saying. I said i would never feed my kids McDonald’s and one day my oldest son when he was a toddler i was feeding him baby food and he was still hungry. while i was eating the greasy food I felt guilty about not giving it too him and gave in and gave him fries and a chicken nugget. I know it was not the best choice at the moment but now when i look back it kept him quiet and he was no longer hungry. So i guess it was a good thing i did give in or man he would have threw a major fit for not being full. but if that was my husband he would just gave in without a second thought. but me i try and not feed my kids fatty foods but good home cooked meals.

  • Lori said:

    We are in the fry boat. We said that we wouldn’t give her fries and since Dad eats them and they are his favorite thing they are now hers. Insert sigh here.

    We eat out, a lot. Aside from the occasional fry our fifteen month old loves Indian food and curries with rice and Naan and a wide variety of other flavors.

    It took me more than a year to realise that a fry every now and than is not going to kill her.

    Still get irritated when people offer her fries when there is perfectly good healthy food in front of her because that’s what the other kids are having though (;

  • C said:

    Fab post, Krystal! :) I think we’ve all been there. You are not alone, my friend! I said sooooooo many things I thought I’d never do. I swore to have eternal and unwavering patience with my child. HA! What was I thinking? Sometimes it’s a challenge! I also said I’d never let my baby take a soother or a bottle (she is now 2, but when she was a baby she had both breast and bottle feeding). She still uses her soother, but we’re trying to wean her off it.

    I swore I’d never let her have any processed food EVER. As much as we eat healthy meals at home, sometimes it’s not too easy to avoid…especially when you’re at someone else’s house or when you’re on the road.

    You are right about everything you said. Hey, Little One and I will share our fries with you and Marley next time we’re at Costco.

  • Sarah J said:

    I always said I would never ever have a ‘leash’ for my child and I thought all the moms who did were so mean or that they could not control their child. But a few months ago I was fed up with my 3 year old in walmart and I broke down and bought one. (actually I opened the box and used it before I even paid for it). She will not sit in the cart and doesn’t wanna hold my hand…. and it has nothing to do with me not being able to control her but with a 8 month old son as well my patience is limited lol. This way I don’t have to get frustrated with her and she doesn’t feel like she is restrained. In fact, she loves it…. she always reminds me to put on her piglet backpack. :)

  • cfranic said:

    I hear ya!! My little girl is so under weight I was told by a doctor to feed her what ever she wants whenever she wants it! So she asks for “micinroni” (crappy Kraft dinner) everyday! I try to slide things in it like chicken ans spinach, but she is not dumb she sifts threw it and only eats the noodles.

    She also see’s a McDonalds and says ” French fries, pickles, there it is!” courtesy to Nana. Thanks Nana!

    Ah well when in rome, I can only help her to make good food choices. I am lucky she lives for fresh fruit! better than anything in the world to her!

  • Lindsay said:

    I had planned on waiting until breastfeeding was established to introduce a bottle or soother. Yeah. Right. When your child wont latch and wont take in enough tube feeding, you really dont have a choice but to introduce a bottle!

    Same with when it’s 4am and you’re exhausted, pop in a soother and she’s quiet (she wont even take a soother anymore though!)

    My daughter is only 4.5 mos old, I’m sure there’s still a lot more to come!

  • Allison said:

    I always said that I would have structured bedtimes…none of this going to bed whenever! That really didn’t last long…trying to put a little one down who just isn’t tired makes life that much harder!! Maybe I can try again when #2 arrives?!?!

  • Kristi said:

    Well, my son has just turned 1 and I’m still learning as I go!!!! I never understood this whole co-sleeping thing and thought it was pretty weird how parents would bring their babies to bed with them. But, when Lucas was firstborn I would bring him to the spare bed to nurse him and then we’d fall back asleep during the nighttime. It was much easier for the both of us and I felt bad for my husband b/c he wanted to be able to sleep in the same bed with our son and me. I did this b/c I couldn’t get comfortable with all of us in the bed and nursing at the same time. Now, as time went on and the nursing subsided (I’m still doing it but obviously not as frequently since solid foods were introduced) I’m finding that when Lucas wakes up in the middle of the night (usually several hours before our alarms go off for the day) I find myself sleepily walking to his room and bringing him back to our bed and before I can get there my husband has the covers pulled back and ready and waiting for us to find our positions!! Who knew that pre-Lucas that we would look forward to this snuggle time with our son!! Now, last night it was more of a wrestling match as Lucas was flip flopping so much!!

  • Kristi said:

    Oh, I need to add now that I totally understand co-sleeping and recommend it for so many wonderful reasons to any parent who wants to try it!!

  • Lisa M. said:

    Oh, I love this post. Before our little guy came into our lives, we were backseat parents. I judged parents all the time. A mommy-friend of mine said to me once: “never judge another parent; they do what they have to do.” I didn’t get that then. Oh, boy, do I get it now!

    What are the things that are currently making me feel guilt-ridden, you ask? Here’s my list:

    1. “I will never let my baby watch TV” — I currently get to finish my morning coffee thanks to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. And if it wasn’t for Elmo, my husband and I would never get to sit down and eat at the same time.

    2. “I will never let my child taste sweets until he is at least a year old” — to date, he’s had ice cream, icing, maple syrup … and the list goes on. Only small tastes, of course, but still … Easiest time I ever got him to eat his carrots was with a small taste of carrot cake! :S

    3. “I will not bring my baby into my bed to sleep” — (Hi Kristi! I think I’m you! Oh, and our son constantly rolled back and forth between us last night, too. Fun times.) My son is almost 9 months old and does not sleep for longer than 1/2 an hour at a time, except, I discovered, if he is lying next to me. Then he sleeps just fine. And so, what do I keep doing? I’ll let you figure that one out. His crib is a very expensive decoration in the room that used to be his but is now just a large and ornately decorated changing station.

    4. “I will not let my son use me as a pacifier” — We’ve been breastfeeding for almost 9 months and he won’t take an artificial pacifier, but I swore I would never let him use me as one. Well that ship has sailed. ‘What, if I stick my boob in your mouth you’ll immediately drift back to sleep? Alright then!’ And I wonder why he won’t stay asleep ALONE in his crib …

    And this is just the first 9 months … goodness help me! The guilt is going to consume me. :)

  • Lori said:

    @ Kristi! Before O was born I said that she would sleep in her own room, in her own crib. Yeah right! Now a year later we are slowly trying to transition from cosleeping since she takes up the entire bed. I said I never would – but we did too!

  • Minna said:

    There are few things
    I didn’t want to use a soother but that helped me out on so many days.

    I didn’t want to bottle feed my baby until 6 months but I had to do it sooner due to being traumatized by the lactionist at the hospital. But I was able to breast feed him when I felt ready. My son is a trooper..he took my breast milk like it was second nature!

    Feeding solids until 6 months because I didn’t want to develop allergies. We started solids at 4.5 months!

  • Melanie P. said:

    There really wasn’t much that I said I would “never” do, but a LOT of things I said I would try to avoid. I realized before my son was born that he would have a personality all of his own and I would have to figure out what worked for the both of us. I said I would avoid tv but seriously, In The Night Garden is a lifesaver when he’s really fussy. I also let him occasionally watch Caillou because he loves the show and it distracts him so I can get stuff done. I used to put him in our baby carriers for a while but my back could only take so much!

    I also said I would avoid pacifiers but he used to eat so much that he would throw up and then start again. He just wanted something to suck on. He was much better once I let him have one.

    Oh, one thing I said I would NEVER do is jarred food. I was determined to make it all myself and attempt baby led weaning. He has had it sometimes though. My husband bought some even though he knew I didn’t want to give it to him. He loves those blueberries so much!! My husband and I aren’t the healthiest eaters either so we don’t always have a lot of options that are good for him on hand.

  • leslie said:

    I have 3 girls now so the things I said I would never do have to slide a little bit. When I had my first I never introduced candy until she was 2 and her friend offered her candy…The other two were practically handed to them from their siblings.

    I still keep to NO televisions in their rooms. I think I always will. My daughter is almost 5 and it seems to work :)

    I believe whatever works for the parents and their children. I have had some people agree with what works for me and some don’t well everyone is different.

    I had said a lot of things I wouldnt do like co sleeping or soothers after say 1…Well I did both and my children are so well rounded and so close to me. So whatever works.

    We can all say what we wont and will do but deep down all your children want is to be loved. So if giving in sometimes works for all then so be it :)

  • Sarah said:

    I thought I would never give my child candy or pop. Yeah right, who was I kidding. Now I let her have pop on special occasions and she is allowed one piece of candy everyday. It makes my life sooo much easier! :)

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